The Diaries of Being a Young Mother

I Had To Learn Being In The System Is Challenging But It Can Also Strengthen You. It Was Easy For Me To Blame Everybody For What I Was Going Through. I Blamed My Mom, The Foster Care Agencies And Even The World. I Use To Think I Wasn’t Strong Enough To Speak Up For What I Wanted. I Dealt With Everyone Thinking They Knew What Was Best For Me And Believing I Wasn’t Aware Of The Decisions They Was Making. It Got To A Point Where Even Though I Didn’t Say Anything At The Moment Things Was Being Decided.

I Would Always Question Myself Immediately After. I Use To Always Ask Myself Why Did You Sit There And Be Silent?, Why Are You So Scared?, Shouldn’t What You Want Be Spoken About? Isn’t This Your Life And Well Being They Are Discussing.!

As I Got Older I Would Sit In The Meetings And Court Rooms In Watch How Everyone Would Speak About My Wants And Needs As If They Asked Me. It Bothered Me So Much That When I Was About 15-16 One Time At A Meeting Everyone Was Discussing If The Goal Should Be Changed To Adoption Or Independent Living. They Was So Determined I Wanted To Be Adopted That They Didn’t Realize As They Was Going On And On About It, It Was Making Me So Frustrated To The Point That I Just Had To Speak Up.!

Now I’m Telling Everyone About How I Feel And How I Want Things Done My Way Or No Way. Keep In Mind So Many Things Are Buildit Up And I’m Just Letting It All Out In The Worst Way Possible. Long Story Short After That Day Everything Changed. I Was Made Out To Be Disrespectful, Ungrateful, And A Problem Child. It Didn’t Even Bother Me At That Point Because I Felt [as] Long As I Was Being Heard I Was Proud Of Myself.! After Awhile I Was Told I Need To Go To Therapy To Help With “My Anger”.

I Went Expressed My Issues And I Also Got Help As To How To Properly Speak Up For Myself At The Right Moment. Now In Days I Feel As Though I Should Be Lawyer Because I Never Back Down From A Good Debate. I Learned How To Express Myself So Strongly That People Have No Choice But To Listen And At Least Try To Understand And Feel My Side Of The Story. So I Know Now And Express To Others That If I Could Pull Myself Out Of Being In The Shadows About My Own Life In The System Anybody Could.!